We’re a little over 6 months in, and it’s starting to feel like the newness is wearing off. The “how are you and Ryan doing” or “how are you holding up, do you need anything” have still been coming in, but from fewer people. And there is nothing wrong with that. I was actually warned this would happen.
It’s nice to be finally able to freely talk about her without crying all the time. But to be honest, I feel like I am bugging people when I talk about her or keep telling stories I’ve already said. I don’t have many unfortunately so they will be repeated. I love talking about her to anyone who will listen.
My biggest fear is that people will forget about Emma. I am doing everything I can for Emma’s memory to stay alive. I know Ryan and I will never forget it, but I know eventually some will. So forgive me if I’m constantly posting or talking about her.
I recieved a package from a friend I met on the internet. I have never met her in person, but she is the daughter of my husbands aunts friend. (Did you keep up there lol). Her and her husband have been in our situation. And unfortunately they’ve been through it twice. But they were able to have their rainbow and she is absolutely beautiful! Anyways she sent us such a thoughtful gift and an even better letter.
And Kim is right. We didn’t just lose a baby. We lost a baby, a one year old, a kindergartner, a high school graduate, a college graduate, a son in law, grandbabies. We have to miss out on first smiles, first laughs, first words, first steps and crawling. We have to miss out on graduations, sports and hobbies, first boo boos, snow days, holidays, birthdays.
There will always be the what ifs, who would she look like, what color eyes would she have, what would her voice sound like. Would she be a girly girl, or sport playing, dirt under her fingernails kind of girl like her momma. Would she share our love of hunting and fishing and four wheel driving?
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It’s a situation I wish no one would have to be in, but I’m grateful for the mom’s I’ve met along the way. Thank you so much Kimberly and family. This means more to us than you will ever know.
Hug your babies extra tight for us. Life is WAY to short and you’re NEVER promised tomorrow.